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| And when you do smile, Scoots, you look faintly disturbing |
S4E15: "Twilight Time"
Written by Dave Polsky
22 Feb 2014
My original rating: 7/10 (=★★★)
IMDb score: 7.6
Thoughts: A somewhat unusual episode here, in that we have Twilight's Princess status being a factor but her not being the focal point of the episode. Instead, it's the CMC. It's a real shame the talents they display here were largely forgotten about after they got their marks in S5, but it's nice to see them at least once. Sweetie Belle is a bit of an overconfident pain for a bit while she's had her head turned by ideas of the high life. Apple Bloom is, as she quite often is, the voice of reason, while Scootaloo is somewhere in between. It doesn't make that much sense that Twilight was suddenly a huge celebrity, given she'd been a Princess for a while and everypony had known her for ages, but oh well. And Diamond and Silver didn't really get a comeuppance for their manipulative behaviour, either. However, we did get nice character stuff with the Crusaders, and we did get Twilight dealing with being put under pressure from an unexpected quarter. (Note to certain future ep writers: you can do that without her freaking out.) I have no clue where Twilight's terrible table manners came from, as they weren't a running theme in the show. But all in all, it was a pleasant watch. I think the three stars I gave this one in 2014 can stay.
Choice quote: Sweetie Belle: "Relax. I got this."
New rating: ★★★
Next up is "It Ain't Easy Being Breezies", which I originally thought was decent but much of the fandom thought was pretty bad. We'll see which side I'm on these days!
“Twilight Time” - Production Changes
ReplyDeleteMeghan McCarthy wrote the Premise, while Dave Polsky receives sole writing credit thereafter.
PREMISE
Outside of Scootaloo's thing being a new book series with Twilight, rather than mechanical assembly (possibly meant to be an echo to Rainbow Dash's Daring Do fascination?), and the role of DT/SS being filled by an unnamed classmate, there are a few differences here that alter the theme and feel of the piece. Namely, though the CMC are learning from Twilight, there's a bit more emphasis on them just having a quality time with a good friend. Midway through, the CMC bringing so many friends to Twilight Time means she can't spend any more time with them, and they can't do their new skills as well as a result (more emphasis on that element generally). Thus, they return all the traded favours and objects to everypony to get their time with Twilight back.
Obviously this looser approach is normal for a Premise. Hard to say whether this different thematic focus would have been more interesting, though I am intrigued by more focus on the CMC's actual learning (it's not in the actual episode much) and by the relationship been less "adult teacher-child student" and more just friends. Twilight has not often talked down to the CMC as much in other episodes, and it's a mite distracting in this one.
OUTLINE
This gets us a lot closer to the final episode. Many of the differences here carry over to the script, but there are two that don't. One is easy to discard - a longer setup for the CMC meeting Twilight for lunch specifies that's their normal Twilight Time after Sweetie Belle tells the foals where to be and when, and shows the CMC meeting Twilight at the library and suggesting they have a change of pace and go out to eat. The specifics of the CMC's favours from their classmates, and an element of them trying to sneak off to practise there skills over several days only to get accosted, is present too.
The biggest difference is the episode's ending - one the CMC's favour-exchanging is exposed, Twilight shoots everypony out, and while musing on whether or not to continue Twilight Time, a note is slipped under the door inviting her to a public showing of the CMCs skills. They botch them there, at which Twilight scolds them, causing their classmates to shun them and leave - only for the CMC to do the skills perfectly thereafter, and to explain to Twilight they did that purposefully to ruin their reputation and show her how much Twilight Time means. A bit of a overlong way to do this, I feel, but it has a lot of merit, as we'll see.
SCRIPT
There's a lot of differences in the 1st script, but most of the noteworthy ones carry through to future drafts. The only big one that doesn't is at the end - after Twilight shoos out the other foals following the CMC's botched demonstrations, she's about to tell the CMC she's disappointed in them, only for her to turn to them doing their new skills perfectly, and they explain what they just did. Basically the big difference from the outline, only condensed down to a much sleeker form. I'm honestly stunned why this was cut - I'd guess because some felt in was unreasonable the CMC would have still been practising their skills, and showing them having not done so makes the episode's theme land better. A few lines of dialogue could have worked around that, because the impact of them willingly crashing their reputations to show Twilight how much Twilight Time means… that could have been very powerful.
[continued below]
[continued from above]
DeleteThe second draft changes the above scene to the final episode, and for the rest of the drafts, it's the usual assortments of tiny dialogue tweaks and the odd added or cut bit. The final script is 35 pages, but due to the large amount of visual moments without dialogue, which take longer than anticipated once boarded, more had to be cut then usual to fit this episode into 21 pages. As we'll see.
ANIMATIC & OTHER CHANGES
According to the animatic emails, the first animatic was 9 minutes overlong (though some of that was likely overlong visual staging and added storyboard gags that weren't in the script originally). Thus, a LOT of things were cut, many of them being trimming snippets from scenes, individual lines and sometimes a few words from sentences. The main takeaways of this are below.
* A lengthy 2-page stretch between Twilight taking off from the Hay Burger and Pipsqueak asking for them to cut the ribbon at his lemonade stand; it shows DT and SS musing they’ve got to get in the CMCs inner circle ahead of the rest of the class, all the foals queuing for photos with the CMC and Sweetie Belle so enjoying the attention she starts using appreciations for everypony (or, well, A.B. for "Apple Bloom" and P.T. for "Princess Twilight", anyway).
* The scene with DT and SS intruding on the first Twilight Time had them “forgetting” to bring something to learn themselves, and their lame excuse of decorating (“Decorating with books, such a bold design choice!” / “Um, I actually read them…”) as a cover-up alongside more of their ridiculous assumptions about Twilight’s choices (“Is that horn designer?” / “How… can a horn be… designer?”). Line orders were swapped in pickups to make this scene still make some sense, for comparing the script to the final episode, it was cut to ribbons.
* Pip already had a Cutie Mark in the script, as two cut lines make this clear (one being from Twilight: “You already have a mark, you can’t be a Cutie Mark Crusader, silly”).
* The Hay Burger was instead a place called the Sweet Shoppe. Also, Pinkie having a waitress’ tray (unless that’s just her as a customer carrying it off), was an animatic addition. Possibly it was meant to be Sugarcube Corner at one point, as there is a cut snippet of Twilight asking Mrs. Cake for more of what she is eating. There’s a half-page of Twilight wondering why the CMC aren’t eating and she almost seeing the watching foals before Pinkie shows up.
* Restructuring to the main end scene in the library that cut most of Spike's nachos business necessitated getting an "Aw, come on!" pickup.
I’d estimate, were this a direct match to the actual episode, it would be only 29 pages instead of 35. This trimming also causes a continuity error, as Twilight’s “Remember when you said you give you a chance?” line at the end calls back to a cut line a few pages prior.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I know I often note "a lot of trimming here and there", but this script has the most content cut of any Season 4 episode thus far ("Power Ponies" came out longer at first, but that was more down to visual staging). Truth be told, the majority of it was seamless, though the final episode's pacing does suffer from being askew as a result. There was just so much of it you can feel it in the final episode, even if a lot of these scenes, as written, would have been draggy onscreen. The biggest absence is ditching the CMC intentionally botching their demonstrations and showing Twilight thereafter they could do them - this could have been very impactful. Unlike previous cases where the Ponyville camaraderie still showed despite cutting many supporting characters' business ("Simple Ways", "Rainbow Falls"), here the cuts leave the episode a bit undernourished. The episode might have fared minutely better had it been trimmed at the writing stage, where that can be done more seamlessly.
Good thing they cut Twilight's shootout with the foals though, right? I mean, what were they thinking? :V
DeleteThis is a tough episode to grapple with.
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand, it does little obviously, terribly wrong, outside of a rushed ending that leaves the moral and final moments muddled. But on the other hand, most of it just sits there, pleasing and diverting enough in the moment, but not sticking in the mind. It's like "Forever Filly", an episode where the plot and character beats are remembered, but hardly anything of the dialogue, gags, and so forth. Make no mistake, "Twilight Time" is better than that bland episode, and more than a few moments stick in the mind (yes, Twilight's eating manners is one). But though I find it a little better than most, I totally understand why it gets little recognition by viewers and the fandom, outside of some fanfiction ideas continuing the CMC 's mentorship, mostly in Apple Bloom and her potions.
Interestingly, this is really a Sweetie Belle episode, and I find it quite impressive how unobtrusively it does this, despite her having many more lines (57 according to the Wiki, while Apple Bloom has 34 and Scootaloo just 26). Having a lead without it feeling like they're the lead, not an easy thing to do! Her reputation-chasing side seemed odd at first, but it makes total sense, given how much she looks up to Rarity. Make a triangulation between Rarity, Twilight on one side here and Diamond Tiara on the other, and that's some impressive subtle characterisation.
There are two reasons, I think, why this episode doesn't rise above "good but forgettable diversion". The first is the concept of Twilight Time itself - there's surprisingly little depth to it, and the focus on it and Twilight's celebrity status ends up as just surface level plot material. The episode is never about the CMCs relationship with Twilight, it's just a backbone for their dealings with the other foals. In a sense, though Dave Polsky is absolutely trying to move from his past comedy hijinks to a more character study type of storytelling, he doesn't quite get there all the way. There's just enough lack of cohesion and strengthening to the proceeds to register, even if only subconsciously.
To be clear, this is far less severe than many future cases where a deep and emotional experience is scarped for hijinks ("Brotherhooves Social", anyone?). The elements here just weren't fused as well as they could have been.
That probably wouldn't matter, except there's a subtle but pervasive blandness to much of the dialogue and beats (the "Forever Filly" problem, though less severe). This is a decent portrayal of Twilight as a fresh Princess, where that actually matters, and where her modesty is kept in check. But because she wants to keep a good example around foals, there's no fun or spice to her dialogue (compare to "Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3", and where she goes with Rainbow Dash). Least there's a plausible in-universe reason, unlike most Bland Twilight showcases this season and thereafter. But the same issue is present on much of the rest of the cast, if less severely. If Sweetie Belle is a fun hoot, Scootaloo feels oddly neutered.
To clarify - this is a fun, good episode, and it does have many bits that land. But it feels a bit stilted throughout and adds up to less than the sum of its parts. Probably doesn't help that it was cut to ribbons to fit into 21 minutes, mostly for the better but messing with the pacing in a few paces, especially the end.
And, infamously, leaving Twilight's "Remember when you asked me to give you a chance?" line as a callback to a cut line of Sweetie Belle's earlier in the scene.
Interestingly, this is the last pre-"Crusaders of the Lost Mark" appearance for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, a "Bloom and Gloom" dream cameo excepted. Leaves their dismissal at the end even odder, though I doo appreciate them being used in a more clever way than "Blank Flanks!" bullies.
Wow, I really don't think I could sum this up any better. :O It's just one of those episodes that doesn't stick in the mind because nothing ultimately comes of it. The writers went to all these lengths to give the CMCs talents that were fitting but not as obvious as their obvious talents, and then that was all forgotten in another season. So what even was the point, besides Twilight stuffing her face?
DeleteIndeed. This would be one episode where, though I do my best to not hold it against this episode in particular, that these elements never gets picked up again is more notable because it wasn't done great the first time round (so, I feel what you felt with the Pony Tones). That, and this is something that feels like it should have been continued, being a character growth thing and a more sturdy relationship between the CMCs and another character.
DeleteIt's another reason why I was intrigued by the Premise/Outline having more focus on the CMCs actual skills, rather then that being just a plot backdrop as it was in the final episode. Had that been followed, we might have gotten enough material on their actual skills/relationship with Twilight to take some of the sting out of this never getting utilised again.
But it's honestly not surprising - Meghan McCarthy was getting pulled two ways trying to run the show in Season 5 while the Movie was in development, so it's a small wonder that her divided focus, plus not being Story Editor for 1o episodes, and Hasbro shooing down many continuations on the grounds of Continuity Lockout (not this example, but worth knowing), resulted in scrapped story threads. Then Josh Haber came along as Story Editor, with his own preferences, and, well, we all know what happened thereafter.
Some very good observations there. I'd like to add that continuity for FiM was doubly hard because they didn't have a Writer's Room (a general get-together for trading ideas) and often, unless the story editor made it a point of passing things along, the first time a writer became aware of something that could/should be used as continuity, it was when the episode aired.
DeleteAnd, although I hate to say this, writers don't always watch the show they're working on. A new writer might rely solely on the bible or just watch a few of the most popular previous episodes. A good story editor or show runner can compensate for that, but it's a heck of a lot of effort, and as Mike pointed out, McCarthy was very busy at this time.
Indeed. The whole point of a Story Editor/showrunner, aside from pushing for more entertaining results, is to be able to tell the writers when particular things in their script fit or not. That can absolutely compensate for them only familiarising themselves with select chunks of the show. It's worth noting that by Season 4, the original show bible wouldn't have been much use, being rooted in the Season 1 setups. So the writers were relying on the Story Editor, and past scripts/episodes to refer to. Since S4 was where we started seeing quite a few new writers come in (whereas S2 and S3 had just one new writer apiece) , it's quite illuminating.
DeleteAnd very interesting point that the writers might often only be aware of the content of a previous episodes, as regarding continuity or following up on it, once it had aired. Which would be a year after it was written. That puts into perspective some character threads/arcs getting an episode, being forgotten about, then popping up again in another episode next season.
Still, that's nothing compared to the trend they took with new writers in S8/9. We know from the leaks that there, they had a document that gave bullet-point traits of characters, suggested each character's "best" episodes (some of which weren't even about that character!) for research, and then only provided select clips of said episodes. And by "best" episodes, I mean ones that usually showed the characters being heavily flawed ("Lesson Zero", "Putting Your Hoof Down", etc.) When that's your only reference… a lot in those later seasons makes sense, doesn't it?
Contrary to many, I don't think the lack of a Writer's Room was inherently a flaw for FiM. But it definitely made it easier for other flaws to run unchecked.
This was a bit of time-passing fun, but unfortunately, nothing of consequence. It was nice to see the unusual talents the girls manifested, but like the others, I'm disappointed none of them ever got revisited (possibly aside from Apple Bloom still having some sort of association with Zecora, which could indicate further potion learning). I like the idea of quality time, and I agree that it was nice to finally see Twilight not freaj out about something. I'm not put off by there being no comeuppance for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, just because I don't think they did anything outlandish. Kids just behave that way. Same goes for the CMCs, and they didn't suffer too many consequences either, except for where they caused actual damages (like Apple Bloom's potion causing an apple explosion). It's not too memorable beyond some warm, fluffy friendshipping, but that's not a bad thing for an episode to be. Three stars sounds about right.
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