Wednesday 18 May 2016

Ponyfic Roundup 107: Spotlight on Alarm Clock

As promised last week, a story longer than 30k words! This wasn't originally going to be a Spotlight review, but I turned out to have too much to say to fit into a paragraph. So, then:

Alarm Clock by Meta Four
Derpy, Dr. Hooves and OCs
Adventure/SciFi; 53k words; Oct 2012–Feb 2015; Everyone
Ditzy Doo sees things nopony else can see: higher-dimensional spatial anomalies, fae creatures, and eldritch abominations. She solves problems that other ponies don’t even know exist. But now, she may have bitten off more than she can chew.
It's Royal Canterlot Library time again, and this inductee is certainly an unusual beast. It's a Derpy fic, but one like no other Derpy fic I've read. This Derpy is generally called Ditzy Doo (or... well, that would be telling) and is on familiar terms with an imaginative range of creatures both good and... not so good. Inevitably, Dr. Hooves plays a major role, and he's not quite so involving, but the supporting characters are well judged. The story took a long time to finish writing, and its age does mean that the writing is noticeably less accomplished in its early stages. Also, one or two fandom references are more obscure than they once were. A bigger problem is the Celtic-y "Fair Folk" stuff, which I find aggravating more than atmospheric. Nevertheless, a very good read and a must for anyone who enjoys Derpy-sorry-Ditzy-as-hero tales. ★★★★

More of my rambly thoughts on this story await beyond the break, though so do plenty of spoilers, so proceed with great caution if you haven't already read the fic!

Easily the best thing about Alarm Clock is Derpy herself. (I'll stick to that name here for clarity's sake.) As is the case in most of the really good fics starring Derpy, she's still recognisably the lovable klutz we see on screen, but this time she has a much meatier and more serious role behind the scenes. There's a really nice idea regarding her wall eyes, and her in-depth knowledge of complex physical concepts and interdimensional beings convinces in context.

The story's structure is also good. The pacing is pretty good, without too much pointless fluff to wade through. (Pointful fluff is great, of course!) Plot points are generally revealed at appropriate times, although one exception is a certain abbreviation. I worked out what it meant long before it was made explicit, and the fact that an intelligent character didn't stretches credulity a bit. There are some nice side scenes, some important and some less so, and these add extra colour.

One thing that hasn't aged well, although luckily it doesn't affect enjoyment of the story itself, is (what I presume is) the reason for its being Carrot Top's fridge that plays such a pivotal role. The "Derpy Emptied Your Fridge" meme, which generally featured CT, was once quite popular, but I haven't seen it around for years now and I wonder how many newer fans will even realise it is a fandom reference. It's the same problem you get nowadays with any fics that have Celestia eating bananas or Luna using an abacus.

There are quite a few other nods and winks to the show and its fandom here. For a start, there's the simple fact that it's a Derpy/Doctor story – although they're not a couple, even if the story does close with the two of them in the Doc's bedroom. Luna also plays an important role, though there are good reasons for that rather than fanservicey ones. The tale occasionally interacts with Season Two canon; my favourite part is the real reason for Derpy being in Fluttershy's hen house during "May the Best Pet Win!"

Talking of which, several of the Mane Six appear as secondary characters from time to time. Rainbow Dash is around a fair bit, unsurprisingly given that both she and Derpy work in weather. I don't have any problems with her characterisation: she has some excellent dialogue with Derpy, and we even get some amusing tertiary-level stuff involving Dash and Cloudchaser, but I'm a little less enamoured of how Fluttershy is depicted. Her dialogue in particular seems a bit of a stretch for the character at times, even allowing for the fact that this story is set in the S2 era.

My one real problem with this fic comes with how the Fae speak, which drives me up the wall. It's a similar problem to the one I have with the language used in The Big Butterfly Brouhaha (PR 81) – it's much easier to admire than to enjoy. The Fair Folk sprinkle their dialogue with occasional (real) Irish words, but when they speak English they use what I think is an attempt to render an inflected language in our own uninflected tongue. Clever, but a bit of a chore to read through. On the plus side, Derpy's shaky grasp of Early Modern Equine early on is hilarious.

Rating this fic was surprisingly easy: it's a consistently interesting, inventive and highly entertaining adventure, and I'm always up for a story starring an interesting Derpy (or indeed Ditzy), but it has one or two secondary aspects that irritate me just that bit more than I can really let pass. That's a four-star fic all over. If you actually like the Fae-speak, it might even nudge into five-star territory for some of you. It's easy to recommend whatever the case.

Next time on Ponyfic Roundup: Logan reads a Christmas story. Look, if the show can do it...

2 comments:

  1. Hey, Meta Four here. Sorry for the late reply—I just now stumbled across your review.

    >The story took a long time to finish writing, and its age does mean that the writing is noticeably less accomplished in its early stages.
    Yeah, you're the second reviewer to point this out. I went back and revised those earlier chapters, trying to bring my 2012 prose up to the standards of my 2015 prose, but I guess it didn't completely work.

    >(what I presume is) the reason for its being Carrot Top's fridge that plays such a pivotal role.
    Eeyup. In fact, "come up with a plausible explanation for Derpy emptying Carrot Top's fridge" was one of my first goals for the story.

    >but I'm a little less enamoured of how Fluttershy is depicted. Her dialogue in particular seems a bit of a stretch for the character at times, even allowing for the fact that this story is set in the S2 era.
    It's been a few months, but do you remember what it was about Fluttershy that seemed wrong?

    I can't exactly defend the Fae hooligans' dialogue—when I reread it now, I can't help but wonder if I should have done that differently. I guess in a story like this you need to take a few risks, and that's one that didn't work out as well as I hoped.

    >On the plus side, Derpy's shaky grasp of Early Modern Equine early on is hilarious.
    Fun fact: The first time I submitted Alarm Clock to EQD, the prereader didn't realize the incorrect EME was intentional, and they told me I needed to fix it. In their defense, Ditzy's problems with EME in that early draft were a bit less overt.

    Anyway, thanks for the in-depth review and the kind words!

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    1. Thank you so much for the comments! You're very welcome, and I'm sorry it's taken a few days for me to get back to you.

      It's been a few months, but do you remember what it was about Fluttershy that seemed wrong?

      I don't remember it being a big thing, but from memory I think I felt she was a tiny bit too "shy yellow one" without quite as much depth as I'd have liked. Maybe rather unfair for a non-central character, but as 'Shy is my favourite pony I can get unreasonably fussy about her!

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