Ponyfic Roundup 404: A Thousand Words Contest fics – Part Four: Silver Medallists

Read it Later story count: 89 (+2) 

It's warm and sunny around here, and I'm just coming down off the high of a hugely successful Birmingham-based Commonwealth Games. (I only attended one event live, the road cycling time trial in Wolverhampton, but the atmosphere has been fantastic throughout.) That has nothing to do with ponyfic except to explain why I'm in a good mood even before reading five satisfying stories. As you can see from the star summary below, a very solid slate this time.

Stop Making This Hurt! by mushroompone
Laundromat by Admiral Biscuit
There is no Mare in the Shadows by Equimort
Gull Sentry by daOtterGuy
Exciting Words and Phrases Regarding Four-Legged Equine Mammals, and Your Future Business Ventures Therein! by Silent Whisper

★: 0 | ★★: 0 | ★★★: 3 | ★★★★: 2 | ★★★★★: 0
Note: I use a skewed rating system. A fic I enjoy an average amount scores two stars.

Stop Making This Hurt! by mushroompone
Applejack and Starlight Glimmer
G4; Sad/Slice of Life; 1k words; Mar 2022; Everyone

Starlight Glimmer and Applejack both know they should probably break up.

An author whose name I've quickly come to respect, so I was looking forward to this Angst-class medallist. I wasn't disappointed. As the shortdesc indicates, this is a break-up fic, but this well-worn setup is freshened by mushroompone's command of language. There's a fantastic little bit near the start about ketchup bottles (seriously, there is) but the fic smoothly moves on towards its quiet yet still subtly devastating conclusion. We've seen a lot of wham-bam break-up fics. This one shows the other side, and it does it very well indeed. My favourite of the Silver Medallists: a strong four, which is some achievement for a fic this short. ★★★★

Laundromat by Admiral Biscuit
OC and Other
G4; Human/Slice of Life; 1k words; Apr 2022; Everyone

Doing laundry is always a chore, and sometimes I envied my pony neighbor for rarely having to do laundry. Until I found out she wasn't allowed to wash her blankets.

Admiral Biscuit specialises in short, life-slicey tales of ponies on Earth, so it's no surprise that this is the case once again in this Fluff medallist set at a laundromat.¹ As Petrichord mentions in the judges' comments on the contest page, it's tough to marry the mundane and the fantastical that comes with this setup. All the more so when there's a racism angle, too. Does Biscuit do it effectively? Of course he does. The ending made me smile, too. It's quiet and not a lot really happens, so bear that in mind. I can't think of another author who is better at this particular subgenre, and though this may not be his very best it's still really solid. A top-end three for me. ★★★
¹ It's a good job we don't call them that over here. My Beautiful Laundromat just doesn't work. :P

There is no Mare in the Shadows by Equimort
Other
G4; Dark/Horror; 1k words; May 2022; Teen (Death)

There's nothing to be afraid of in the darkness. No matter what the stories say.

The longdesc says this Grim silver winner is "[v]aguely inspired by a series that doesn't exist" – that starts things off on a nicely uncomfortable note. It's untagged second-person, by the way, but don't switch off yet. For a while I wondered if this had been overrated by the judges, if I'm honest: it was just the same concept (basically "You are not..." followed by something nasty) repeated over and over and over again. But then you start to question, for example, why the denials are quite so specific. And then the author casually drops in a comment about your immediate future. And then, and then... the ending is clever as well. Tense and worrying in the space of a thousand words. Worth a four to me. ★★★★

Gull Sentry by daOtterGuy
Shining Armor and Flash Sentry
G4; Comedy/Random; 1k words; Apr 2022; Everyone

He will eat all of your fries.

Seagulls – those charming birds that make sure you don't waste any food by eating it all themselves, or at least trying to. In this very odd Humo(u)r category runner-up, though, the gull is Flash Sentry. No, really. This same author wrote the disturbing I Live with a Monster (PR 401) that hon-menshed in this same contest, so their range is impressive. Here? This is just plain bonkers. Flash truly believes in his gull-ness, while Shining Armor plays it straight as his intended victim. I enjoyed the contrast between the ludicrous comedy and the little asides about the state of the Equestrian army (and by extension, Equestria itself). Very weird, but still fun. ★★★

Exciting Words and Phrases Regarding Four-Legged Equine Mammals, and Your Future Business Ventures Therein! by Silent Whisper
Other
G4; Comedy/Random; 1k words; Apr 2022; Everyone

Invest in magic! Conquer Equestria! All this can be yours*! (*for a fee, payable to goat.)

Several prize-winners in this contest have notably long titles; I'm not sure whether one can read anything into that. Anyway, this Experimental story has the longest of the lot. It's basically a sales brochure, as that shortdesc suggests, but it's done amusingly and cleverly with heavy reliance on footnotes. These provide a lot of the humour. Oh, and it's written by goats.¹ The story starts very strongly, though it perhaps doesn't quite keep that level up the whole way – though it never gets dull. The footnotes aren't quite Pratchett standard, but whose are? They are fun, lots of fun. "Secretary has been ired" will live in my heart. An easy, strong three. ★★★
¹ By goats, concerning ponies? This could have entered Outside Insight too!

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Next time, it's the grand finale: I'll be reviewing the five Gold Medallists from this contest. Can't wait!