Sunday, 10 October 2010

Custard Repeatedly Teleports into Starlight (special UK PonyCon 2017 minific version)

Make it stop!” pleaded Starlight, her face screwed up in anguish. “Make it sto-o-op!” She was lying on her side on the floor of the castle hall, one forehoof pressed against her belly and the other against her forehead.

Well, I’m sorry,” said Twilight primly. “I did warn you what would happen if you reversed the custard spell.” Her expression softened slightly. “There shouldn’t be more than a few hours left to—”

There was a rather squashy pop, followed by another groan from the mare on the floor.

“—go.” Twilight scuffed a hoof. “And, well, I’m not sure I can stop it before then.”

Starlight took the hoof on her forehead and jabbed it at Twilight, stuttering incoherently for a few seconds. At that point, another squashy pop reduced her to moaning once again.

Spike wandered in, whistling tunelessly and twirling a mop between his claws. With the briefest of glimpses at the moaning unicorn on the floor, he began to sweep, whistling all the while.


He blinked. “Hey, what is it, Twilight?”

Spike, I need you to go and find Trixie. She was here last time round and she might have some idea what to do.” Another pop. “Because I sure don’t.” Spike beetled away, and this time the groan was Twilight’s. “What am I going to do?

In spite of her agony, Starlight managed to retort, “Maybe something a little more useful than you’ve done so far?” She paused for the next pop, closed her eyes and managed to continue. “What use is Trixie going to be, anyway? If you can’t do anything with all your magic, what’s she going to do? Set off a few smoke bombs so I can’t see the state of my barrel?”

Twilight bit her lip and looked everywhere but at the other pony. “ I don’t know! But something! Maybe you just need some company for a while, someone who actually likes listening to you moan all night!”

Starlight coughed, which proved to be an especially bad idea as it coincided with a further pop and became a gargling splutter. Twilight quickly threw up a shield to protect herself from the unicorn’s thrashing limbs.


Through the pink of the forcefield, Twilight could just make out the new pony. She had a brash demeanour, was wearing a cloak… and had a singular lack of Trixie’s cutie mark.

Twilight dropped the shield. “Who are you?” she barked.

The newcomer shuffled her hooves. “The Great and Powerful Trixie had to fix the laundry, so she sent me.”

“But you’re just—you’re an earth pony! How can you help Starlight?”

Starlight herself, after pausing for a pop or two, hauled herself up to regard the young pony. Then, most unexpectedly, she smiled. The effect was slightly spoiled by the further coughing fit in the middle, but a smile it was nonetheless.

“I remember now!” she exclaimed, and quoted from the spell: “‘The only thing to stop this custard must be yellower than mustard.’ It’s you! Of course, it’s you! Come over here and rub your hoof along my belly, you wonderful mare!”

Twilight’s mouth opened and shut a few times, but no sound emerged. At that moment, Spike returned, huffing heavily.

“I’m sorry, Twilight, I looked all over, but I couldn’t find Trixie anywhere and—oh wow, Twi, that’s fantastic! How did you think of it?”

This time, Twilight made a sound but didn’t open her mouth. Starlight’s giggle became yet another cough, but rapidly returned to a giggle and, this time, remained so. After a long pause, during which there was no more popping and no more custard, she looked up at her companion and grinned.

“I think I’ll be seeing you again, Mango Mousse.”