Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Ponyfic Roundup 128: Seven Maids with Seven Mops

And now we know that Season Seven is on the way in the spring. That seems a reasonable hiatus: short enough to keep things interesting, but long enough to allow me to write a bit! This week on PR, in celebration of the news, I'm reviewing a bunch of fics whose titles include the number seven. Sadly there are only five of them, but never mind. A good deal of variation in terms of how much I enjoyed them.

7 Minutes by P0nies
Pick Me Up At Seven by Jondor
Canterlot Seven by LightOfTriumph
The 7 Keys by dashiedash
Seven Months by Brawny Steed

★: 1 | ★★: 2 | ★★★: 1 | ★★★★: 1 | ★★★★★: 0

7 Minutes by P0nies
Sad; 2k words; Jun–Jul 2012; Everyone
After you die, you have 7 minutes of brain activity, but how do you choose to spend the time?
This is a really odd one. Twilight starts out dead, but still aware of what's happening around her hospital bed. We follow events (or non-events) from her perspective, albeit in third person. There are strange visions and/or hallucinations and/or general weirdness. Then, near the end, the story turns into something entirely different. Is the whole thing a bizarre setup for that last scene? It seems like it. Two stars, but that wild, screeching genre turn means I'm not entirely sure where in the band it sits. ★★

Pick Me Up At Seven by Jondor
Applejack and Rainbow Dash
Comedy/Romance; 6k words; Apr 2013; Teen
“Hey RD! Come pick me up at the ’Acres at seven. We’re goin’ on a date tonight.” --- “What?!”
That short description is how this fun story starts: with AJ telling Dash to get ready, but Rainbow (who narrates) having no idea why the two of them are apparently now dating. If you can excuse a few dated-feeling wingboner references (at least it doesn't use the word), there's little to irritate here and quite a bit to be entertained by. We learn a little about Dash's past romantic exploits, and as for the ending? Well, that would be telling. Not exactly substantial, but amusing silliness. With actual shipping, which may or may not be to your taste. Sadly, a sequel has been on hiatus for two and a half years. ★★★

Canterlot Seven by LightOfTriumph
Dark; 1k words; Aug 2014; Teen (Sex)
So every Sunday I pick up the paper, and every Sunday I regret it. This is the story of a mare who wanted to be a star.
Oh, wow. This is brilliant. Barely over the 1,000-word limit, yet perfectly paced and with a twist that – as long as you don't see it coming, which I didn't – absolutely knocks you for six. A couple of minor typos and one annoying choice for a street name detract only slightly from the atmosphere. It's still great, though, despite those little problems. At the time of writing, the story has barely 300 views. That's a travesty. Read it. ★★★★

The 7 Keys by dashiedash
Mane Six, Discord and OC
Adventure/Tragedy; 9k words; Mar–Apr 2014; Everyone
Equestria is being torn apart! Terror and chaos is now prominent under the hoof of Flamina, the former dictator of Equestria. So, it's up to Twilight and the team (with special alliance of Discord) to stop this once and for all...or will they?
With an average chapter length around 500 words, this is a pretty bitty adventure, and the narratorial intrusions don't help. Nor does having an OC who "looks like King Sombra but darker and fiercer". On the plus side, I've read worse Discords, and the fast pacing means it's rarely dull. Sadly there's not much more to praise: several ponies are wildly OOC, tense shifting is pervasive and there's a seventh Element. Oh yes. That [Tragedy] tag is misleading, too. This fic proved to be the long-gone author's only story; the follow-up advertised at the end – My Daughter is a Pony – never appeared. Discord calling Rainbow "Dashie" is probably the best thing here, but I can't recommend this. ★

Seven Months by Brawny Steed
Twilight, Flash Sentry, Cadance and Shining Armor
Romance/Slice of Life; 6k words; Sep 2013; Teen
Flash is MIA and Twilight is still waiting on him.
Oho, FlashLight; here we go. This comes straight after S3/EqG1, with all that that implies for characterisation. Within those parameters, it's not a bad little romance, albeit rather roughly written – a Road Runner reference is the worst clunker. It's not exactly hard to work out where this is going, but there are a few nice touches; even Posey gets a name-check. Probably only for dedicated FlashLighters, but Cadance is the best character here. ★★

Next time on Ponyfic Roundup: back to a mixed bag of pony.


  1. You should deffo suggest that four-star fic and its low view count to Seattle's Angels...