Words read this week: 9,000
A very low word count, but that's by design rather than because of illness this time, as I'm starting on my reviews of fics from the Thousand Words Contest II. Not all of them, as there were 168 – a staggering tally for a ponyfic contest in any year, let alone one in 2023. As it happens, there were nine stories that received an honourable mention, so that's where I'm beginning this survey.
Allegiance by Moproblems Moharmoney
Peanut Gallery by TheDriderPony
Lake Day by GrangeDisplay
Twilight Makes Coffee by Kodeake
Mortissimo by Incandesca
The Good Art by TCC56
Thus Testifies Twilight by Accurate Balance
Canon Perpetuus, Canon Perpetuus, Canon Perpetuus by JimmySlimmy
Dis/0rd3R by TheInfamousFly
★: 0 | ★★: 2 | ★★★: 6 | ★★★★: 1 | ★★★★★: 0
Note: I use a skewed rating system. A fic I enjoy an average amount scores two stars.
Allegiance by Moproblems Moharmoney
Bat Pony OC and Nightmare Moon
G4 AU; Dark/Drama; 1k words; Jun 2023; Teen (Gore, Violence, Death)
With the Diarchy shattered by his mistress, Lunar Guard Captain Split Second must make an important decision, both for himself and his country.
Starting off pretty strongly here! This is set in a Nightmare Moon timeline, a dark world to be sure but the author has got enough world-building in here that I'd be happy to read more in this setting. The protagonist gets some good character and by the end you're not surprised he does what he does. Inevitably some details have to be skated over due to word count, and that does make one or two things a little hard to follow – but this is still satisfying enough for a top-end three. ★★★
Peanut Gallery by TheDriderPony
Applejack
G4; Slice of Life; 1k words; Jul 2023; Everyone
The difference between death and being a teenager is that one of them eventually ends.
A fine opening line leads into a clever setup: when AJ dies, her life indeed flashes before her eyes... but in real time. Oh my. A reference to a show song in-universe feels a bit odd in 2023 (though this kind of thing was far more common a decade ago) and there are some uncomfortable and perhaps slightly confusing questions about one aspect given the sheer size of the Apple Family... but I feel the concept holds for the thousand words. ★★★
Lake Day by GrangeDisplay
CMC and Mane Six
G4; Slice of Life; 1k words; Jun 2023; Everyone
While waiting for Apple Bloom to finish working on an unusually hot summer day, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo dig a hole to pass the time. Applejack is not amused.
Another fic that feels like one from 2012 or so in its simple, domestic atmosphere, this centres on the Crusaders deciding to build a swimming hole in the middle of Ponyville. Naturally everypony thinks they're mad... except, of course, Pinkie Pie. A cute concept and some fun lines, especially from Pinkie. A slightly dull ending, and this is one fic that might do better shorter, ie as a minific, as it feels stretched on occasion. Still, enough moments for a highish two. ★★
Twilight Makes Coffee by Kodeake
Twilight
G4; Slice of Life; 1k words; Jun 2023; Everyone
Twilight Sparkle engages a new enemy; the Coffee Maker
Set as Twilight moves to Ponyville, this story about her strange new coffee maker seems really to be more of a story about her strange new life. The parallels are obvious once you realise they're there, and there are some good lines: "the mid-life crisis of her alarm clock" early on is wonderful in context. On the downside, it just felt too wordy to hold my interest fully. The nice characterisation seemed just slightly buried in the verbiage – but that characterisation is pleasing and helps this to a three. ★★★
Mortissimo by Incandesca
Octavia and Vinyl Scratch
G4; Romance/Dark/Horror; 1k words; Jul 2023; Teen (Gore, Death)
Octavia plays a song for her beloved.
A nicely creepy little number, this. Octavia returns home to a dark and apparently uncared-for cottage. But Vinyl is there, so what...? I suspected most of the answer before I was certain, but the very last line adds an interesting little question to ponder. There's a "Luna's Moon" near the start if such things bother you, but I was still pretty satisfied by this one. Maybe more experienced horror readers would have seen more of this before, but I can only go on my own feelings and I found this enjoyably disconcerting. High three. ★★★
The Good Art by TCC56
Celestia, OC and Discord
G4; Comedy; 1k words; Jun 2023; Everyone
An art critic reviews the art of Canterlot Castle. He has... opinions. One of them is more concerning to Princess Celestia than the others.
When a fic's opening paragraph notes that Celestia had yet to meet a critic who was not infuriating, your 'umble reviewer can't help but cough awkwardly to himself! Fortunately, this fic largely succeeds in poking fun at po-faced art criticism while staying mostly show-tone, to the extent that not much change would be needed for an episode-style fic. It even puts a horrible MLP cliché in the mouth of a character who would use horrible clichés. I saw the twist coming (though not the final line) but this is amusing and that is after all the key criterion for a comedy. A top-end three here. ★★★
Thus Testifies Twilight by Accurate Balance
Twilight
G4; Dark/Drama; 1k words; Jul 2023; Teen
When nothing outlives everything, how does a mare testify to her existence?
These last three fics this week were entered for the Experimental category, which I admit I sometimes find harder to assess than others. I beg your (and the authors') indulgence if I miss something obvious. Anyway, this fic's first chapter is called "Epilogue", an intriguing touch. I think there may be some parody of writers' dictionary/thesaurus abuse going on, but that does make this first half excessively hard going even if you know most of the words. The second part, "Appendix", like the first exactly 500 words long, is more appealing in that there's a more obvious story. I rather agree with FOME here, in that I feel it was an interesting idea that didn't quite come off as the story (the first half, at least) was too much buried by the gimmick. ★★
Canon Perpetuus, Canon Perpetuus, Canon Perpetuus by JimmySlimmy
Twilight and Starlight
G4; Horror; 1k words; Jul 2023; Everyone
Twilight Sparkle had realized that she had been here before and that she had realized that she had been here before and that she had realized that she had been here before.
It's easy to guess the underlying structure here, especially given that this fic is marked as a sequel of itself.¹ Yes, it's a time loop story. However, knowing that still doesn't take away from its qualities, notably (as with most good time loop fics) that reading it more than once gives you new perspectives. E-rated horror is a subgenre I like, since it demands creepiness without gore, and the good pacing here leads up to a seriously uncomfortable ending... that is of course also a beginning. Despite the author saying this is "vaguely Gödel, Escher, Bach influenced" (that being a book I've never truly got) I enjoyed this a good deal on its own merits. Points too for a satisfyingly clever bit of non-standard hyperlinked punctuation. My favourite of today's bunch. ★★★★
¹ This might not be possible on some other websites, so points to Fimfiction there!
Dis/0rd3R by TheInfamousFly
Twilight and Pinkie
G4 AU; Dark/Drama/Sad/Second Person; 1k words; Jul 2012; Mature (Suicide/Self-Harm)
When Pinkie Pie is diagnosed with BPD, Twilight begins to worry about its effect on their relationship
It can be hard to review stories about mental conditions one doesn't have personal experience of (BPD here is Borderline Personality Disorder) without coming across as one or more of ignorant, thoughtless or condescending. Nevertheless, I still appreciate the unusual dual-POV use of second-person, a use of crossings-out that for once actually adds effectiveness and the unusual choice of TwiPie as the relationship being affected. This is a fic which did feel a little constrained by the thousand-word limit, especially in the first part. Given a bit more space to roam, it could have been remarkable. As it is? Something of a skim over a frighteningly fascinating look at both sides of a relationship. That's worth a three, I think. ★★★
Next week, more Thousand Words II stories. I'm actually thinking I might have a one-week gap after that and have a standard edition, then go back to the contest fics the following PR. I think breaking things up slightly would help to give a bit of variety to my reading. Anyway, next time it'll on to stories that received a Judge Prize. As there were 15 of those, I won't cover them all in one go. Ten will be reviewed, to wit:
Cart Before the Horse by The Red Parade
Long Way Forward by Not That Anon
A Foal's Errand by ScarredVirtue
One on One by Muramasa
Trixie Bombs by danatron1
Hyperesthesia by gapty
Outsmarted! by 6-D Pegasus
Breakfast for Dinner by The Red Parade
Daybreak Will Set Us Free by Pascoite
The Enlightenment of Sonata Dusk by Mockingbirb
Well, that's a few more stories added to my RiL, aha. But man, that "Canon Perpetuus" one seems pretty interesting, I'll definitely have to read it at some point! The bit about the non-standard use of hyperlinks really got my attention, too; I've been wondering if it would be possible to play with these sort of elements in a fic without it being too much of a gimmick/too distracting for the reader.
ReplyDeleteIt's only one bit of said punctuation, but it does work, I think. I'm normally not a huge fan of such things, but I'm making an exception here, and in any case this is the Experimental category. :)
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