Words read this week: 39,689
As promised last time, the word count is back to something reasonably respectable this week – although almost half comes from the fifth and final fic reviewed.
A Moment of Truth by A Man Undercover
Quiet Boy and Moon Horse by horizon
Little Twilight and the Scary monsters by Luna_pulsar222 (review requested by author)
The Endeavor Within by Mike Cartoon Pony
Trixie And Her Amazing Pet Changeling by Georg
★: 0 | ★★: 2 | ★★★: 2 | ★★★★: 0 | ★★★★★: 1
Note: I use a skewed rating system. A fic I enjoy an average amount scores two stars.
A Moment of Truth by A Man Undercover
Ahuizotl and OC
G4; Dark/Sad/Slice of Life; 5k words; Oct 2019; Everyone
At the end of "Daring Doubt", Ahuizotl revealed after touching the Truth Talisman that he was a Jungle Guardian who was tasked with protecting the artifacts of the River Basin. However, was that really the truth he was spilling? Or somehow...a lie?The author here is not alone in being dissatisfied with the canon ending of "Daring Doubt". This isn't exactly a fix-fic, but it does share some characteristics with those. This story's Ahuizotl is a less superficial character than the episode's (which wouldn't be that hard) and right from the start with a nice scene in a bookshop he's the best thing about the fic. No significant technical problems, either. On the downside, it's very wordy, too much so for even me sometimes. Several paragraphs and even sentences are twice as long as they need to be to get their points across. I think it's an improvement on "Daring Doubt" itself, so a top-end two, but it could be a notch higher still if written more snappily. ★★
Quiet Boy and Moon Horse by horizon
OC and Luna
G4 AU; Romance/Sad/Human; 6k words; Jan 2016; Teen
A young man falls in love with the beautiful dark alicorn who moves the moon. But she's a fictional character … isn't she?This is, perhaps, a Lucky Dreams story for grown-ups. I mean that as high praise for both LD and horizon. If you've read the former's In the Place the Wild Horses Sleep (PR 20) – and if you haven't, do so – then you may feel the tang of familiarity at times. At others, though, this is a different animal entirely. We go through the guy's life and his relationship (in various senses) with Moon Horse. I was a bit surprised reading the Fimfiction comments¹ to see some controversy about whether this was a Pony story. Despite being set entirely on Earth, I think it absolutely is one. There's plenty of magic and friendship here, but also sadness and loss – though those are not mutually exclusive. It's also about the power of story and myth: Philip Pullman's "Without stories, we wouldn't be human beings at all" seems relevant. As you'd expect from horizon, the writing is lovely, and though there is ambiguity here I never felt short-changed. A clear classic. ★★★★★
¹ Which are rewarding but very spoilery, so read them after the fic.
Review requested by author
Little Twilight and the Scary monsters by Luna_pulsar222
Twilight and Celestia
G4 AU; Slice of Life; 1k words; Oct 2022; Everyone
Little filly Twilight seeks comfort in her brand new mentor during a scary holiday
The longdesc for this, the author's first completed fic, states "Certified Filly Twilight cuteness" and I can't really argue with that. Twi is not yet used to Nightmare Night (remember, this is pre-show and so pre-Luna-return) The best aspect of this fic is its, well, cuteness. Filly Twilight stories are often like that and this one fits that bill. There's also a pretty nice cliffhanger to end on, one which could lead to a sequel if the author wanted. The story falls down a bit on some of the technical aspects: the inconsistent capitalisation in the fic title is an example, as are occasional typos ("dissappearing"), and tense mismatches ("...had allowed her evening to be clear [...] she always spends..."). This is a solid two as it stands, but cleaning up the technical issues and giving the story a smoother flow overall could see it over the line to a three. ★★
The Endeavor Within by Mike Cartoon Pony
Phyllis Cloverleaf and Sunny
G5; Drama/Slice of Life; 7k words; Oct 2021; Everyone
It's never easy to help somepony who doesn’t see it as help. Yet Phyllis was determined to try for Sunny's sake, before the young mare's endeavor for an impossible change consumed her.For some time I shied away from reviewing fics by friends, but Mike's been kind enough to feature several of mine in his reviews so I wanted to return the favour. Written when A New Generation was the only G5 canon we had, this story shows us Phyllis Cloverleaf's perspective on Sunny both a little before and a little after the return of magic. It's an interesting, original idea that caught my attention and largely held it. Phyllis is a bit deeper and more interesting than her screen character, while Sunny is... well, Sunny, but she's appealing in canon so I'm fine with that. Argyle gets some welcome backstory, and there's some pleasant background world-building, too. Not many flaws: the main one is that despite post-publication tightening it's still a bit wordy in the second half. There's also very occasional LUS ("the winged monarch"). Nevertheless it's a nice tale with satisfying characterisation; while it's a three-star fic, it's near the top of that band. Give it a try if you're after a solid ANG G5 tale. ★★★
Trixie And Her Amazing Pet Changeling by Georg
Trixie and Changelings
G4; Comedy/Slice of Life; 19k words; Aug 2016; Teen
A lost and starving changeling encounters a broke and desperate Trixie. It works out better than expected.This is a fun lightish comedy set somewhat after the S2 finale and somewhat before Trixie's rehabilitation. Most ponies are still highly suspicious of changelings, and unicorns in particular use their detection spells all the time, so integrating into mainstream pony society would be very tough. But a changeling's gotta eat, so what about another outcast? A running theme here is the changeling (who does eventually get a name, but late enough that I'm avoiding it here) trying to provoke emotional reactions from Trixie. She's not always impressed, especially when she feels he's a little too interested in her tail. (Yeah, there's innuendo here, though it's not excessive.) This is a very solid example of a smooth-reading bit of fun that should entertain you without taxing your brain too much. Oh, and if you're wondering about the pine cones, a long time ago that was a popular bit of fanon about what Trixie ate in the post-"Boast Busters" wilderness. Another top-end three. ★★★
Another conventional edition of Ponyfic Roundup next week, although whether the fics will be conventional... wait and see! To give you a clue, though, here are next week's five:
For the Love of Science by Cold in Gardez
The Hug by the dobermans
The Perfect Drink by GaPJaxie
Amo Ergo Sum by DrakeyC
Eternity by DawnFade
Quiet Boy is one of those stories where I just see the title and get excited. :D It was great.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Mike and Georg both supplied really good fics this week (and the other two had something to recommend them as well) but horizon's was something really special. Another of those "Why did I not read this sooner?" fics.
DeleteFor some time I shied away from reviewing fics by friends, but Mike's been kind enough to feature several of mine in his reviews so I wanted to return the favour.
ReplyDeleteOh, I hope you didn't feel an obligation! My reviews of some of your works largely came from my "if I read it, I review it" mentality. I never had any issue with your "don't review friend's works" stance, it made grand sense. Besides, you largely let me know when you'd read a work of mine anyway. :D
That said, if you were to review a fic of mine, I'm glad you started with what I feel is my best published Ponyfic. Your rating's what I expected, hoped for, and agree with. No complaints from this ghost!
Gonna try and keep my response here short (somewhere, Rainbow Dash is laughing, I'm sure).
Writing this was the first time I was responding to new canon (and likely the only time, unless future G5 elements or G6 really grab me) – the film was only 37 days old at the time of publication. So that experience of one's headcanon of new elements still morphing was in full play here. With how Phyllis and Sunny has clear history despite basically not directly interacting in the film. Ironically, for a response piece, it's the one fic I feel hasn't been aged by being a contest entry (my others being an okay thousand words content piece and three Jinglemas character pieces). Just has the right balance of expanding on canon without feeling like a fixfic. And given how slipshod MYM and TYT have been on continuity and cohesion, plus Phyllis not appearing in the former at all and only in one short for the latter, this hasn't been aged by canon either. Lucky for a response fic!
Sprout's absence was a deliberate reaction to how Phyllis at the time (and still now, mostly) was just a hang-on to his fics. Understandably so, given how she was used in most of the film. Though I did so organically, at least, and had him still affect Phyllis's character and history without being the point.
What I've found most interesting is how most readers are more sympathetic to Phyllis then I was or intended, to the point the fic still frames her as being in the wrong and Sunny not forgetting all she endured alone all those years. This likely stemmed from me still not liking or caring much for the character (she is basically a plot device to facilitate the film's segregation/unity themes), but in this case, I believe it gave it edge and character, kept it impartial and from ever being a generic feel-good apology/makeup fic. It's a Drama, if not one with a capital D. Emphasising her as a CEO first-and-foremost, without that being the focus, was the key here.
Argyle gets some welcome backstory, and there's some pleasant background world-building, too.
This was honestly one of the hardest aspects, given the film's… poor world-building, and most folks' expansion on it came from trying (and invariably failing) to reconcile the G4 connection I wanted nothing to do with. I compensated by keeping the backstory and world-building to the immediate past, what was rooted in and relevant to Phyllis and Sunny. That, and showing only the minimum needed for the desired effect, and little more, to the point many readers wanted more of it and Argyle. But that's when you know you've done a good job, isn't it?
There's also very occasional LUS ("the winged monarch").
Ah ha… Well, you do have a keen eye for that sort of thing, don't you? That one felt appropriate in the moment as Phyllis was clearly talking to Haven for the first time, and I'm always keen to avoid word repetition, but perhaps a normal descriptor (like "the pegasus queen"), one that would be what one would say in dialogue, and thus not LUS, would have been better. Can't think of any other instances in the fic, but I haven't read it in quite a while now.
Okay, I'll stop at responding to things you mention, otherwise this'll spill over into another comment. Thanks again for the review Logan! I'm well chuffed, if not surprised, that it resonated as a high ★★★.
You're more than welcome, of course! I'm glad things worked out well enough, too. While I would of course have been honest had I found the fic disappointing, I would also have been unhappy at having to say that. You avoided that eventuality for me by writing a fic that wasn't disappointing, so yay for that!
DeleteYour point about readers (including me) having more sympathy for Phyllis than intended is interesting. I think it's largely because, as you say, she's just not very interesting in the film and so a story like yours that gives her some actual character is almost bound to make her come over a bit better unless said character is unredeemably awful in every way, which wasn't the case here.
I did say "very occasional" for the LUS, so it didn't really make any impact on the rating -- and I take the point about "winged monarch", though in that particular case it did feel like a (very small) bump in the road. There was another example elsewhere ("ivory pegasus") which felt more organic in the context of what surrounded it.
I like writing lighthearted fluff. If I leave my readers a little happier when they're done, I'm happy too.
ReplyDeleteAs it happened, I had been a little browned off for unrelated reasons earlier on the day I read it, and your fic made me noticeably more cheerful. So you definitely succeeded there! :)
Delete