Ponyfic Roundup 137: Spoons: Hard Mode

Read it Later story count: 486 (-5)

I told you! I told you I'd do it! And did you believe me? Hmm? Oh. Apparently you did. Well, that's awfully nice of you. Anyway, in lieu of a proper Hearth's Warming special this year, you get spoons. The "Hard Mode" bit refers to the fact that I excluded any story featuring Silver Spoon in any way at all. There were only a few completed fics left to choose from: all were tagged [Comedy] and all but one [Random] too, so this PR has ended up being a bit uneven. Never mind; let us go forth!

The Derpy Report by Owlor
Applejack and the Poking Spoon by JTB
Dual Stories: Why is there a spoon? - and - ETERNAL PURPLE HUNGER by Piquo Pie
The Frosted Pie by Grey Faerie
Sample Spoons by Takahashi282

★: 2 | ★★: 2 | ★★★: 1 | ★★★★: 0 | ★★★★★: 0

The Derpy Report by Owlor
Derpy and Mane Six
Comedy/Random; 16k words; Apr–Nov 2012; Everyone

Derpy is interviewing the Mane 6.

Most significantly for our purposes, she's interviewing them with a spoon. There's a genuine and mildly touching reason for her doing this, which is revealed near the end. Before then, the story is intermittently amusing, though the many outside references sometimes get in the way. (Books, music, sports, you name it.) Characterisation is also spotty. It's all very scattergun, so you'll need to be in a forgiving mood. ★★

Applejack and the Poking Spoon by JTB
Applejack
Adventure/Comedy/Random; 2k words; Oct 2012; Everyone

Applejack finds an item she had as a filly. What will she do?

The item in question is the spoon of the title, and it's cute how she finds it in the first place. For the rest of the fic, AJ relives her fillyhood and creeps around poking ponies in the flank with it. That's pretty much it, and she just doesn't come across as sufficiently Applejack for this to work. ★

Dual Stories: Why is there a spoon? - and - ETERNAL PURPLE HUNGER by Piquo Pie
Twilight, Spike, Pinkie Pie and Other
Comedy/Dark/Random; 3k words; Apr–Jul 2015; Everyone

An attempt at a duel story in which: Twilight Sparkle is driven insain by a spoon AND Twilight has awoken a mindless consumer of intelegence from beyond imagination.

Fair warning: the central gimmick of this annoyingly-titled story only works on full-sized screens. Don't even bother on a phone. It's a whitespace fic, in which highlighting that gives a new and worrying spin on the initially visible story. Not a bad one, and the OC is good value, though it's all a bit vague even after reading both versions through. Don't forget the A/N at the end! The author suggests there are eight hidden things here, but nobody seems to have found them so perhaps that was also put in just to mess with our minds. Some typos (see description above!) but a sufficiently interesting idea for a three. ★★★

The Frosted Pie by Grey Faerie
Pinkie Pie
Comedy; 1k words; Apr 2014; Teen (Sex)

Pinkie licks a frosting spoon.

Like it says. Inspired by Pinkie's "Creamy, creamy frosting" line from the S4 premiere, this is mostly a by-the-numbers "Pinkie gets pleasure from eating" fic. The main reason to read is an ice cream dream section that has a touch of the Lewis Carroll about it. Grey Faerie's own view on this is "hey, it's a crack fic" and I'll go with that. ★★

Sample Spoons by Takahashi282
Celestia
Comedy/Random; 5k words; Jul 2015; Teen (Sex)

Princess Celestia has heard a lot about Prancin' Robins, and on a royal craving, she pays them a visit. But something awaits there that utterly destroys her patience.

A first-person Tia fic, which is a problem as she's rather out of character even for a random comedy. The innuendo is one thing, but burning down a restaurant in a fit of royal rage? That stuff's for full-on stupidfics, which this is not. It also takes an age to get going, with long descriptions of Celestia getting up, walking to the shower room, etc. And why does Fancy Pants call her "mi'lady", as if she were Lady Penelope? ★

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Next time on Ponyfic Roundup: so that I can recover from this, it'll be a mixed collection of fics chosen because I want to read them.